Daring — Reach for what you want!
I was the third daughter to a very strong woman and thus was exposed to strong feminine influences at home. My mom did not only have a strong personality and presence, she was also the only one who drove (even though my dad had a license, he never used it) and the only one taking the car to the shop. She defied stereotypes by taking brave risks when driving. I do not remember if my mother ever drilled into a wall to hang pictures or shelves, but I clearly remember my older sister doing that without hesitation. In short:
My upbringing failed to instill traditional gender stereotypes in me, forgetting to tell me what I can and can’t do… so I did what I thought I can.
Later, when I was finally exposed to gender stereotypes, it made me very angry and I felt it was neither fair nor right.
Sure, when looking at historic statistics, there are common things that men are better at than women, and vice versa, but what’s better: reinforce preconceived notions or challenge and change those?
Yes I can!
My first job was working the phone at a Pizzeria. I really wanted to be a pizza maker, but was told it’s not a job for girls. Imagine my fury. To clarify, the issue was not that women couldn’t prepare the pizza itself. The problem was that at the end of a pizza-making shift there was some physical labor: you would need to carry heavy bags full of frozen dough and distribute those on trays to thaw until they are used. I was not perturbed. I immediately started a campaign to prove everyone wrong and show that Sivan Hermon is going to change this.
So slowly, but consistently, I used every free minute to learn how to make pizzas, and even went upstairs with the person on duty to learn the work. Eventually, the owners caved and gave me the job — huzzah! What was even cooler, is that it opened the door for more female pizza makers, who came after me and didn’t have to prove themselves — double huzza!
Ask (for more) and you shall receive
When I left the army, I started interviewing for jobs and received several offers. I consulted with friends to understand the industry’s compensation benchmark. My boyfriend told me to ask for $1,000 more (a month). He just quoted a number. We argued, I pushed back, saying it doesn’t make sense, and that others get less and why should I get more. He did not give up, he explained I was worth it and that was the number I should be asking for. I foolishly kept arguing, but I followed his advice, and asked for the salary he suggested. To my surprise, they agreed! This pattern repeated itself several times in my career — every time I switched jobs, my boyfriend pushed me, to my dismay, to ask for a higher salary than I was comfortable with, and each time it worked. I started teaching other women (and men) the importance of daring.
Lean in and me
For as long as I can remember I have encouraged young girls and women to express their thoughts, and to speak up and with more confidence in school, in the military and at work. I’ve always struggled with seeing women make concessions for reasons that seemed wrong to me. As a leader in military and technology companies, I have always observed relationships and dynamics between women and men. I’m passionate about gender equity and have been lucky to work on successful teams with mixed genders.
And then… the amazing book: “Lean in” by Sheryl Sandberg was published. I couldn’t put the book down, “it’s like she’s in my head, writing down my thoughts in a book” I thought — isn’t that awesome? The way she articulated her thoughts and the studies she quoted helped me better understand my actions, feelings, and thoughts, and strengthened my resolve to improve the situation.
In the software world we strive for pluralism of opinions as research shows it leads to better decisions. So we all understand the value of having more brains at the table, yet we consistently fail at making it a reality.
When I read the book I was half-way through my MBA (alongside a full-time job). As if I wasn’t driven enough, the book added wind to my sails. I appointed Sheryl Sandberg to be my role model, and updated my goal to be a C-level before the age of 40.
The book taught me to challenge myself:
“What would I do I wasn’t afraid?”
I dared to express my desires: I asked for more responsibilities (I felt ready), and mentorship. I got both those things. That led to a raise. And then I was offered to lead a team 4 times larger than mine. That taught me how important it is to state what you want, grounded by your capabilities, in your own authentic way. That plants seeds in people’s heads, and when opportunities arise, your name is considered, consciously or subconsciously.
Stop being afraid, and start daring.
